a quick vent...
i am to big of a slacker and procrastinator. i have screwed up big time again, and hopefully can pick up my grades again before the end of the semester, and not let my parents down again, like they are expecting. our younglife program is ending in decorah cuz its all about money and money sucks. i question whether i am cut out for the college thing, if im actually going to survive it, if im already failing simple intro courses. am i destined to flip burgers?
ive listened to the music, and maybe let it play on repeat to long. i have officially let some songs end, and i am just hoping that my decisions are the right ones.
i hope that i dont let everyone down, and i just want to feel a little relief. i dont know. as drama-y and emo-y as this venting is, its whats going on in my mind. i just need one day to be locked in a room with all my books, and everything. get completely caught up, doing work so good ppl would believe i actually did it. and when i finish up with the homework, i will be in a great mood, and move on to my planning out my acedemic life for next year, the year after and so on. i just want to feel slightly sane. i feel like i can make it come off pretty well that i am sane, and have everything under control, but in all honesty i dont. i dont know what im doing, and that scares me.
i just hope i dont screw up anymore, become the person i want to be, not let down my parents, and dont screw up my life by socializing to much, or jsut being the lazy ass i am. i just need ....i dont know. if i only knew what it was that would bring sanity to my life. that would be great.
i feel like ive started to loose touch with my faith, and not being the way i should/know that i am, just to conform to the stereo typical college student, and have the stereotypical college experience.
o well. i hope i dont screw it alll up.
i am to big of a slacker and procrastinator. i have screwed up big time again, and hopefully can pick up my grades again before the end of the semester, and not let my parents down again, like they are expecting. our younglife program is ending in decorah cuz its all about money and money sucks. i question whether i am cut out for the college thing, if im actually going to survive it, if im already failing simple intro courses. am i destined to flip burgers?
ive listened to the music, and maybe let it play on repeat to long. i have officially let some songs end, and i am just hoping that my decisions are the right ones.
i hope that i dont let everyone down, and i just want to feel a little relief. i dont know. as drama-y and emo-y as this venting is, its whats going on in my mind. i just need one day to be locked in a room with all my books, and everything. get completely caught up, doing work so good ppl would believe i actually did it. and when i finish up with the homework, i will be in a great mood, and move on to my planning out my acedemic life for next year, the year after and so on. i just want to feel slightly sane. i feel like i can make it come off pretty well that i am sane, and have everything under control, but in all honesty i dont. i dont know what im doing, and that scares me.
i just hope i dont screw up anymore, become the person i want to be, not let down my parents, and dont screw up my life by socializing to much, or jsut being the lazy ass i am. i just need ....i dont know. if i only knew what it was that would bring sanity to my life. that would be great.
i feel like ive started to loose touch with my faith, and not being the way i should/know that i am, just to conform to the stereo typical college student, and have the stereotypical college experience.
o well. i hope i dont screw it alll up.